


here we go again (i kinda wanna be more than friends)

by One_Gay_More



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Friends With Benefits AU, theyre... such idiots im so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23844901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/One_Gay_More/pseuds/One_Gay_More
Summary: It’s simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing Emma has ever done, being friends-with-benefits with Alyssa.
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 3
Kudos: 82





	here we go again (i kinda wanna be more than friends)

**Author's Note:**

> title from "animal" by neon trees
> 
> this hurt me to write cause they just be emotionally dumb when it comes to each other

Emma opens the front door of her tiny studio apartment to Alyssa and a box of cupcakes.

“I brought dessert!” Alyssa announces proudly. Emma steps aside to let her in, more than a little nonplussed.

“Hey, Lys,” she greets, forehead creasing in confusion. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but I thought it was Friday we were meant to be hanging out.”

“Emma, it  _ is _ Friday.”

“Shit, really?” Emma blinks a few times, watching as a slow grin spreads across Alyssa’s face. “Damn. I, uh, haven’t made dinner, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Alyssa says with an easy shrug. Her dark eyes flash mischievously as she lowers her voice. “We could always skip straight to dessert.”

Emma chokes on a nervous laugh. “Y-Yeah.”

“Or, I could just help you with dinner?” Alyssa takes mercy on her, setting the box of cupcakes down on the counter and shrugging her lightweight jacket off. 

New York isn’t too cold at this time of year, but Emma knows it’s more for the walk back to the subway than anything. She prefers it when Alyssa isn’t trying to get home in the middle of the night, and Alyssa never protests staying, so Emma can pretend that it’s not because she likes falling asleep with her.

“What are we making?” Alyssa’s voice startles Emma out of her thoughts. Her eyes snap up from the jacket to meet Alyssa’s. She’s already standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands resting lightly on her hips as she regards Emma with a half-smile that Emma prays isn’t as knowing as it looks.

Emma clears her throat. “Uh. Pasta. Spaghetti.”

“Just spaghetti?”

“And bolognese.” Emma shrugs. “I didn’t think it was a good idea to attempt anything more adventurous after last time’s fiasco.”

“True,” Alyssa laughs. “At least the cleanup was fun.”

Emma flashes back to two weeks ago; to pinning Alyssa against the wall of her shower, both of their hands roaming, the hot water beating down on them as steam fills the bathroom. She swallows heavily.

“Uh-huh.” Her voice comes out high-pitched.

* * *

Sleeping with Alyssa hadn’t been something she’d planned.

They’d been friends for a while, having met by chance almost a year ago in the audience at one of her friend Barry’s shows, and they’d hit it off right away. Emma had even foregone trying to go to the bathroom at intermission because she’d wanted to keep talking to her that much. Alyssa had typed her Instagram handle into Emma’s search bar just before the second act had started, and had beamed at her before they’d parted after the show, telling Emma how great it had been to meet her, and Emma had made her way home in a stupor.

Instagram DMs had turned into texting, which had turned into hanging out together, and that was how their friendship had started.

And Emma hadn’t been blind. She had always known that Alyssa was the most beautiful woman she’d ever met, bar none, but she didn’t exactly have a lot of friends that she could hang out with on a regular basis, and Alyssa hadn’t been  _ flirting _ with her, so she hadn’t tried to pursue anything. Over the months, they’d grown closer and closer, until Emma had been sure beyond doubt that they’d become each other’s best friends.

Best friends had meant that the fluttering in Emma’s stomach every time Alyssa smiled at her couldn’t matter.

And then one night a few months ago, while tipsy on one too many drinks at one of their movie nights, they’d had sex. It had just kind of… happened. It had been a little terrifying to Emma just how right and natural taking that step with Alyssa had felt, and she hadn’t been sure how Alyssa would react when they woke up the next morning, but she hadn’t ended up worrying about it, because Alyssa had acted as if nothing had changed between them. Aside from a tiny bit of initial shyness, she hadn’t treated Emma any differently, and things had been fine.

Emma had thought that them sleeping together would always be a one-time thing, and so she’d been pretty surprised when a completely sober Alyssa had kissed her less than two weeks later. She’d dumbly asked Alyssa if she was comfortable hooking up with her, and Alyssa had said yes, and that had kind of been that.

Ever since then, Alyssa would come over, they’d have dinner and hang out, and then they’d end up in bed. Or on the couch, or on the counter, or in the shower. 

It’s simultaneously the easiest and most difficult thing Emma has ever done, being friends-with-benefits with Alyssa. 

Because being with her is as natural as breathing, but the thing is, Emma can feel herself falling harder and harder with every touch. Surely, sooner or later, there has to be a breaking point. But Alyssa seems content with their arrangement, and the last thing Emma wants to do is risk losing her completely, so she deals with it.

* * *

The spaghetti bolognese ends up being pretty good. They wash up and dry the dishes - Emma tries not to notice how domestic it feels - and then they curl up on the couch and watch an old  _ Star Wars _ movie. They’ve both seen it hundreds of times, but Alyssa loves space, and Emma loves it when she can see the wonders of the universe reflected in Alyssa’s eyes.

They make it about halfway through the movie before Alyssa’s hand starts to inch up Emma’s thigh.

Emma’s breath hitches, and her cheeks flush even though this touch is probably one of the most innocent they’ll share until they collapse together once they’re done, and she meets Alyssa’s dark eyes and knows she’s completely doomed. She doesn’t care.

She surges forward, burying her hand in Alyssa’s hair and kissing her hard on the mouth. She’s become so used to the taste and the feel and the shape of Alyssa’s lips, but it still sends a jolt of electricity through her every time they kiss. Alyssa parts her lips, moaning softly when Emma slips her tongue into her mouth, and balls the material of Emma’s shirt in her fist.

Alyssa leans back, tugging on Emma’s clothes to pull her on top of her as they lay down on the couch. Emma ends up lying between Alyssa’s legs, one hand on her cheek and the other playing with the hem of her top, as she kisses her and kisses her until she can barely remember her own name. She’s not sure if all friends-with-benefits relationships involve this much kissing before sex, but she wouldn’t trade a second of it.

Emma slides her hand underneath Alyssa’s top, skating up the curve of her waist until she stops just under the band of her bra. Alyssa covers Emma’s hand with her own, moving it up until she’s cupping her breast through the thin fabric, and Emma’s heart stutters in her chest. She nips at Alyssa’s bottom lip because she doesn’t know what to do with herself, squeezing Alyssa’s breast and finding her nipple through the bra, tracing a nail around and over it until it stiffens into a peak. Alyssa whimpers into her mouth.

Her hand, having left Emma’s own, strokes down her back, before she slides both of them under her shirt and touches burning hot skin. The electric touch makes Emma arch her back into Alyssa, her hips pushing down against the seam of Alyssa’s jeans. The kiss breaks with a gasp from both of them. Alyssa’s pupils are blown wide as she glances down between them, and then she’s desperately grabbing at Emma’s ass, trying to pull them even closer together. 

Emma takes the hint and grinds down again. Alyssa makes a strangled noise against her lips and hooks her legs behind Emma, encouraging them both into a rhythm. Emma pinches Alyssa’s nipple through the bra, her other hand tilting her chin up so that she has access to the skin of her neck. She trails kisses down from her jawline, sucking on her pulse point, nipping at the spot she knows Alyssa is most ticklish.

“Bed,” Alyssa gasps. “N-Now.”

And sure, grinding on the couch is  _ hot _ , but Emma’s been hoping she would suggest the bed. It feels a little more special, somehow.

She presses one more kiss to Alyssa’s lips, soft, trying not to read anything into the adoring look Alyssa gives her even as she digs her hands into Emma’s shoulders and sits up. She’s in Emma’s lap now, which she knows Emma gets off on, and - perhaps because of that knowledge - she crosses her ankles behind Emma’s backside and wraps her arms around her neck. Emma shivers, holding Alyssa up as she slowly stands from the couch. She knows she can support Alyssa’s weight; it’s not the first time she’s done so, but she also knows she’s prone to distraction when they’re pressed so tightly together.

Luckily, it’s not far to her bed.

She sets Alyssa down as gently as she can, kneeling on the mattress and putting enough space between them that she can take her glasses off and pull her own shirt off over her head. Alyssa sits up while Emma puts the glasses down on the bedside table, fire in her eyes as her hands reach around Emma to the clasp of her bra. She makes eye contact for long enough to catch Emma’s fervent nod, and then she unhooks the bra and tosses it aside.

Immediately, her lips kiss a path down Emma’s chest. Emma closes her eyes and lets out a ragged breath as she feels Alyssa’s tongue tease the flesh at the top of her breasts. Sometimes Alyssa teases her more, but tonight she wastes almost no time before she closes her lips around one of Emma’s nipples and gives her what she wants. One of Emma’s hands cups Alyssa’s cheek, feeling the movement of her jaw as she bites down gently; she feels heat flare between her thighs.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Emma pants, trying to clear some of the fog that had descended in her brain as soon as she and Alyssa kissed.

Alyssa flicks her tongue against Emma’s nipple one last time before she pulls back and looks up at her with a challenge in her eyes. “Why don’t you do something about it, then?”

Wasting no time, Emma strips her bare to the waist. She cups Alyssa’s breasts in her hands, still not quite able to believe that she’s allowed to touch her like this, and rolls her nipples between her thumbs and forefingers. Alyssa’s eyelashes flutter against the height of her cheekbones as she leans into the touch, swallowing thickly and pressing up to pull Emma into another kiss.

Emma fumbles with the button on Alyssa’s jeans. She flushes red; it’s not like she’s never undone her jeans before. Her hands shouldn’t be shaking this much. But Alyssa doesn’t seem to mind. She simply kisses the corner of Emma’s mouth, reaching down to pop the button herself and letting Emma pull the zipper down. She reaches for Emma’s pants, then, and Emma lets out a breathless giggle when she realizes that both of them will probably have to get up again in order to take their pants off.

Alyssa laughs with her, playfully pushing Emma down onto the bed as soon as she kicks the pants aside and getting on top of her. Emma swears she almost passes out in that moment, because Alyssa sits astride one of her legs, mouth dropping open slightly as she presses herself down onto Emma’s thigh. She’s wet already, Emma can feel it against her skin even through the underwear, and her brain short-circuits.

“God, I’ve been dying to have you again ever since the shower,” Alyssa gasps, rocking her hips against Emma’s thigh. Emma’s powerless to do anything but watch, mouth dry. “Em, you have no idea how much I’ve been thinking about it.”

“Yeah?” Emma breathes, wide-eyed as she watches.

Alyssa nods, leaning over her a little more and focusing her hands’ attention on Emma’s breasts. Emma makes a high-pitched keening sound that only seems to spur Alyssa on. Alyssa’s eyes close, eyebrows pinching together adorably as she grinds herself harder against Emma’s thigh.

Wanting to do more than lie there uselessly, Emma pushes her thigh up to meet Alyssa’s thrusts. When Alyssa moans, Emma - feeling emboldened - grabs Alyssa’s hand and pulls her down on top of her. She kisses at Alyssa’s throat, hearing her breath get heavier and heavier above her, and her head spins at the feeling of so much of their bare skin pressed together. Alyssa’s underwear is soaked through, probably ruined by this point, but neither of them care. Emma slides her hands to Alyssa’s ass, under the fabric of her underwear, and pulls her against her thigh harder, trying to create as much delicious friction for her as she can. She sucks a hickey into the skin low on Alyssa’s neck.

Alyssa’s hips jerk when Emma bites down, and Emma’s leg must press against her clit just right, because she suddenly trembles as a loud moan rumbles through her chest, spasming and clutching at Emma anywhere she can reach. Emma draws Alyssa’s orgasm out as much as she can given their current position, not quite daring to believe that Alyssa had been able to get off before Emma has even properly touched her. 

“That was so hot,” she murmurs in Alyssa’s ear.

Alyssa groans in agreement, pressing her hands flat against the mattress and pushing up enough that she can meet Emma’s eyes. “I’ve never come just from that before.”

Emma’s heartbeat quickens and she tries not to blush. “Really?”

Alyssa nods, shuffling down a little with a quiet whine so that she can kiss Emma again. Her hands land on Emma’s hips and she nudges her thighs apart with her knee, repositioning herself so that she’s kneeling between them. Emma can barely think coherently, much less speak, so she just nods breathlessly when Alyssa breaks the kiss and toys with the band of her underwear.

Alyssa just raises an eyebrow, and Emma chokes out, “Please.”

In a flash, the underwear is gone, and then Emma’s completely naked. She would feel a little self-conscious if Alyssa wasn’t looking at her like she wants to devour her. Alyssa’s eyes are dark and hungry, but her hands are gentle when she dances her fingertips up the insides of Emma’s thighs, so close to where Emma wants her.

Emma knows she’s wet, knows she doesn’t need teasing anymore, and she knows that Alyssa knows this too. Sometimes, Alyssa likes to take her time. 

But it seems like Alyssa’s need overpowers her desire to go slowly tonight. She presses quick kisses down Emma’s body; her face, neck, chest, belly, hips. She sinks her teeth into the juncture between Emma’s hip and her thigh, and Emma cries out because Alyssa  _ knows  _ that’s the place she loves it the most. Partly because she knows what comes next.

She looks down at Alyssa, who meets her gaze as she leans in and licks up the length of her. Emma’s hands slide into Alyssa’s hair, helping her keep it back from her face as she runs her tongue through Emma’s folds. Emma bites down hard on her bottom lip in an attempt to muffle the sounds Alyssa is drawing from her, but the effort is in vain. 

Eye contact with Alyssa while she’s doing  _ this _ is too much, especially given the way Emma’s traitorous body has immediately given itself to her, wholly and without remorse; Emma can’t let her know that her heart has done the same thing. She’s afraid Alyssa will be able to see it in her eyes, so she lets her head fall back against the pillows, tightening her grip on Alyssa when she traces feather-light circles around her clit.

“That feels so good...” Emma trails off, every cell in her body buzzing with energy. “ _ Alyssa _ .”

Alyssa’s fingers dig into her hips. She sucks on Emma’s clit, and Emma’s hips jerk sharply as she chokes on thin air. Her brain empties of everything that isn’t Alyssa’s mouth on her, and she’s probably near enough riding Alyssa’s face, but she doesn’t care. Getting Alyssa off always works her up beyond belief, to the point where she doesn’t feel like she has any control over her body, and that’s the thing about sex with Alyssa that both excites and terrifies her the most.

Not that she’s had sex with anyone else since she met Alyssa; she doesn’t even look at other women now. She doesn’t think Alyssa does, either, otherwise she probably would’ve stopped whatever arrangement they’ve silently fallen into. Maybe that’s why Emma’s always so desperate for Alyssa’s touch. She’s dreading the day it stops.

But that thought flies out of her mind as soon as Alyssa’s tongue dips inside of her. Alyssa moans into her, and Emma can  _ feel _ the vibrations of it. The noises that she’s making now are incoherent, snatches of swear words and Alyssa’s name and unintelligible sounds all mixed together. Alyssa fucks her with her tongue slowly, savoring it, building Emma higher and higher until the muscles in her abdomen feel like they’re going to snap.

Alyssa slides her way back up to Emma’s clit, taking one hand off her hips and slipping two fingers inside her easily, and Emma almost buckles under the pressure. She gasps for breath, and one of her hands leaves Alyssa’s hair; to grab for what, she’s not quite sure. Alyssa’s free hand catches hers, and she interlaces their fingers together at the same time as she curls the fingers of her other hand inside her, hitting the spot that takes Emma to the precipice. 

“I’m gonna—”  Emma whimpers, eyes screwing shut as she begins to tense. Alyssa sucks on her clit again, and then she’s gone.

Alyssa holds her hand tight when she falls.

Emma rides out her orgasm, Alyssa’s fingers pumping in and out of her slowly, dragging against her walls and prolonging the feeling that makes her shake. Emma gulps in lungfuls of air as soon as she’s able, chest heaving, until she comes back to herself and Alyssa withdraws her fingers. Emma manages not to cry, but it’s a close call, because the first thing Alyssa does after licking her fingers clean is to push back some of Emma’s hair from her forehead with her other hand and kiss her on the cheek.

Emma’s hands find Alyssa’s waist, holding her up while Alyssa peers into her eyes almost searchingly; Emma can’t speak yet, but she looks back up into Alyssa’s eyes and prays that, one day, she’ll feel the same way Emma does. For a moment, everything is quiet. Emma fears that her feelings are written all over her face, so she rolls Alyssa onto her back, kissing her hot and messy. She licks into Alyssa’s mouth, tasting herself on her tongue, and it’s enough of a distraction from her fears. Now, all she can think about is making Alyssa feel as good as she just made her feel.

“What do you need?” she murmurs against Alyssa’s lips.

Alyssa whimpers, wrapping her arms around Emma’s shoulders and spreading her legs wider. “ _ You _ ,” she says. “I need your fingers, Em.”

Emma rests her forehead against Alyssa’s, taking a shaky breath as she trails her fingers down the length of Alyssa’s body. She cups Alyssa through her underwear, which is  _ definitely _ ruined; she’ll either have to borrow some of Emma’s or not wear any on her walk back tomorrow morning. Both options send a shiver down her spine. Alyssa helps her peel them off and drop them over the edge of the bed. 

Emma’s jaw drops as soon as her fingers make contact. Alyssa is soaking wet, and she makes a desperate noise at the back of her throat when Emma runs a finger up and down, avoiding her clit by millimeters. Emma lets the tip of her finger dip inside Alyssa’s entrance, watching her expression change as soon as she gets a hint of what she wants.

“You’re so beautiful,” Emma whispers, before she can stop herself. Alyssa presses a desperate kiss to her lips, hips shifting underneath her, trying to get closer.

Her back arches when Emma presses her finger fully inside her, and she lets out a ragged, relieved breath. Emma peppers kisses over her cheeks, and her forehead, and even her nose, revelling in the breathless laugh that Alyssa gives her in return. She keeps sliding her finger out slowly before pressing back inside, and she knows that Alyssa can take more with ease, but she wants her to ask for it.

“Emma, I—” Alyssa cuts herself off with a whimper when Emma curls her finger before pulling out. “More. I need more.”

“Hm?” Emma kisses her languidly, trying to appear calmer than she looks when she has Alyssa clutching at her like a lifeline. She breaks the kiss, and then Alyssa’s breath is hot in her ear as she moves her head to the side.

“Baby,  _ please _ .” 

For a split-second, Emma freezes. Alyssa’s never called her that before, and it scares her how natural it feels, and how much a simple word makes her lose all composure. Recovering, she presses her lips against Alyssa’s jawline, closes her eyes, and pushes two fingers into her, picking up the pace. Her thumb rubs at Alyssa’s clit, and Alyssa hisses in pleasure, biting down on Emma’s earlobe.

She feels Alyssa’s movements start to lose rhythm, and redoubles her efforts, using her thigh to give her thrusts more leverage. She adds a third finger because she knows Alyssa likes to have something to bear down on when she comes, feels her stretch a little more to take her, hears her broken “ _ yes _ ” in response, and knows that she’s close. Her thumb draws tight circles around Alyssa’s clit, and then Alyssa’s body stiffens beneath her. She tightens around Emma’s fingers, coming hard, crying out none too quietly right into Emma’s ear. God, she’d be the happiest person in the world if she got to hear that every night.

Emma keeps her fingers moving slowly, feeling Alyssa’s legs tremble with the aftershocks, and then she carefully withdraws, pulling a low whine from Alyssa’s throat. Emma swallows hard, point blank refusing to let herself say the words that have been on the tip of her tongue lately, because that’s probably the last thing Alyssa wants to hear right now. Alyssa looks up at her with soft eyes and kiss-swollen lips, blissed out beyond belief, and the next word that comes to Emma’s mind is  _ disheveled _ . She loves that she’s able to do that to her.

Alyssa’s arms wrap around her and she rolls them onto their sides, pulling them flush together as she tucks her head into Emma’s neck. They lay there for a while, waiting for their hearts to calm down a little, and Emma tries to commit every last detail of this to memory. She savors the light movement of Alyssa’s fingertips on her sternum, tracing nonsensical patterns and letters on the skin there. She savors the feeling of Alyssa’s chest pressed against hers, so close that she swears she can feel her heartbeat alongside her own. She savors the way her stomach leaps when Alyssa tangles their legs together.

It’s in these quiet moments that Emma can almost pretend Alyssa is hers for real.

Because, when it comes down to it, Emma knows that she’s completely Alyssa’s, if she’ll ever have her. Alyssa’s the one for her. Even if they’ll never be anything more than best friends, Alyssa is her  _ person _ , and that thought is both terrifying and comforting to her. So she strokes Alyssa’s hair and presses a kiss to the top of her head, knowing her heart is beating as slowly as it’s ever going to when she’s near.

She never knows what to say right after.

* * *

Alyssa is still there when Emma wakes up the next morning.

Sometimes she is and sometimes she isn’t, depending on how early she has to leave, and Emma’s heart flutters dumbly when she realizes that it’s Saturday, which means Alyssa doesn’t have to get up early. Emma loves waking up with Alyssa, even when she has to spit locks of her hair out of her mouth because Alyssa likes to cuddle just as much when she’s asleep as she does when she’s awake, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.

“G’morning,” Alyssa mumbles, still half-asleep. She stretches, almost cat-like, before resting her head on Emma’s chest. They’re both still naked, and Emma swallows heavily as her body begins to wake up much faster than her brain.

“Hey,” she manages, lightly stroking the arm that Alyssa has thrown across her stomach. Alyssa sighs in contentment.

“My abs are sore.”

She’s happy about it, which doesn’t surprise Emma.  _ She’s _ happy about it, too, because sex with Alyssa is nothing if not one hell of a workout.

“Yeah?” she murmurs. “My everything is sore.”

Alyssa chuckles quietly and lifts her head to press a kiss to the underside of Emma’s jaw. “I can give you a massage?”

“I think that’s… a dangerous idea,” Emma says breathlessly. She honestly doesn’t think she’ll be able to survive an Alyssa Greene massage so soon after sex with her. They’re dangerous enough anyway.

Alyssa props herself up above Emma, eyes flickering around her face, and then she leans in and kisses her sweetly. Emma’s breath hitches in her throat. Kissing her the morning after is another thing Alyssa’s never done before, and it makes butterflies flutter in her stomach. There’s no purpose behind it; no intentions. Alyssa’s just… kissing her.

If she didn’t know any better, Emma would think that Alyssa’s nervous when she pulls back.

“We, uh… we never did have those cupcakes I brought last night,” she says. “Are you up for breakfast?”

“Cupcakes for breakfast?” Emma raises her eyebrows. “Alyssa Greene, you’re a genius.”

Alyssa smiles wide at her, cheek dimpling, and Emma falls for her just a little bit more. It’s an exquisite sort of torture, Emma thinks, falling in love with her. And, as Alyssa bites her lip when Emma sits up and lets the sheets fall into her lap before they meet each other’s eyes almost bashfully, one that she’s more than happy to endure.

**Author's Note:**

> i like to think they figure it out soon after this :)
> 
> thanks so much for reading!!


End file.
